


An Ace Story

by Musicalrain



Series: Ace Story Universe [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Amputee Bucky Barnes, Asexual Character, Asexual Coming Out, Asexual Relationship, Asexuality, F/M, Gen, M/M, Meet-Cute, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Skinny Steve, The Author Comes Out, nerds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-02-04
Packaged: 2018-05-18 05:35:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5900284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Musicalrain/pseuds/Musicalrain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve Rogers' road to self-discovery as panromantic auto-ace.<br/> </p><p>  <i>Or</i></p><p> <br/>An asexy meet-cute for Steve and Bucky.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Ace Story

Steve is _trying_ to date, he really is, but he's just not having any luck. Since _finally_ figuring out his sexuality, he's been sorta limited to online dating sites, which is fine, but a little overwhelming and underwhelming at the same time. If that makes any sense.

 

At the ripe old age of twenty-five, he's finally got a name for what he's always felt but never knew how to describe. He's autosexual on the asexual spectrum, and pan, but romantic. At least, he likes the idea of being romantic with a partner. _Really_ does, and wishes with a longing ache that he had that. It wasn't like a big ol' shock or anything when he figured it out. It was gradual, at least, and he was even considering not labeling his sexuality at one point because he never came across a label that fit. It was frustrating, to say the least. Peggy had asked him, more than once, with kindness and concern, if he was gay while they were in college together. She'd asked because she was concerned he was denying himself self-acceptance and the chance at happiness and freedom in coming out, because she wanted him to be happy.

 

He and Peggy had dated in college, but not in the traditional sense or anything like that. But he would consider her an ex-girlfriend, even though that's not quite right. They went on _dates_ and were friends, but they weren't in any kind of committed relationship. They had lunches and dinners together in between classes, and more often than not would curl up on Peggy's dorm bed after a long day and watch bad movies. They were tactile with each other, but never 'made out', and it was nice. Until Peggy met Sam and mentioned casually that she was seeing someone, and that was okay. Peggy never pressured him for sex, though that may have been because she thought he was gay and not ace, and they stayed good friends after she and Sam started dating.

 

But after the second time she'd asked him if he was gay – and yeah, it took two times before he really sat down and had any kind of serious thoughts about how he defined his sexuality – he decided that he _wasn't_ , because he didn't want to have sex with a man as much as he didn't really care for the idea of having sex with a woman. The idea of sex with anyone was off-putting, though he didn't really understand _why_ because, yeah, he masturbated. If porn – drawing porn, reading porn, and watching porn – wasn't grossing him out, quite the opposite, why was the idea of being physically intimate with another person not okay? He had a girlfriend in high school, and that was more in the traditional sense. But they were freshmen, and they'd fooled around, to be honest, he liked the _idea_ of fooling around with her better than anything they actually did. And over time, again it wasn't a big realization or anything, just something he did though he didn't make the conscious decision to do, he stopped perusing anything physical with another person. For awhile he _had_ because he thought that he _should_ and that maybe he was just being weird about the whole thing, because people had sex on the regular, right? But that wasn't right either, and so he just didn't date, and instead just occupied his time with his studies and his career.

 

But he got _lonely_ over time, it took a few years and a slight dive in his career for him to notice that he was, and so he started giving the whole _sexuality_ thing more thought again. It took him a couple years to work up the courage to. In the mean time, if someone had asked and if he felt like giving an answer, he identified as bi. Because he found both men and woman aesthetically pleasing, though he couldn't quite pinpoint any specific _type_ he had. He found beauty in all sorts of shapes and sizes, and he'd thought that may have been because he's an artist and could appreciate beauty in any form.

 

But then he was reading up on _Dragon Age: Inquisition_ when the game was due to come out, though he was _trying_ to avoid spoilers, but decided to see what the planned romances were in the game. Because, yeah, he liked romance is his RPGs, okay? One of the characters was labeled as pansexual, and he'd never heard of it before. So he did a Google search, read a little blurb about it, and oh, well that's cool. And that was it.

 

He didn't give it much thought until the game was out for awhile, and he'd played it at least twice, and he was engrossed in the forums to keep himself busy while he surfed Craigslist for work, and read what people were saying about the character. He did another Google search, and read an _actual_ article this time, and gave it some thought. It still didn't fit _exactly_ right with how he felt, but it was closer than anything he'd come across so far, and he really liked that there was a label that actually existed and was closer to the mark. So he went with it. He mentally updated his sexuality to pan.

 

And as if the universe had plans for him, he was on facebook awhile later and one of his fandom buddies posted a comic about asexuality. And he clicked on it, bored and curious, and it was like the _Holy Grail_ of comics. He thinks he read it like five times just that night.

 

He sat on the idea for a long time. Like a _really_ long time, until he psyched himself up enough to talk about it with Peggy during one of their habitual late-night movie nights. He explained his confusion about how he identified with both pansexual and asexual, and wished that there was some way he could combine the two. She looked thoughtful for a long moment, and then suggested that they look it up. So Peggy did a Google search with him right there, and searched 'pansexuality and asexuality'. They ignored the blurb at the top of the page, and scrolled down until they came across a Q &A with someone asking if they could be both pansexual and asexual, like him. And then he was introduced to the differences between being romantic and sexual. _Panromantic_ was a thing – a glorious thing – and he did another Google search. Peggy was smug for _ages_.

 

Once he was comfortable with the idea of being panromantic asexual – that there was a _name_ after all and he didn't have to go around identifying with a label that didn't quite fit, wasn't quite true, and not having to have the feeling that he was being _deceitful_ in some way when he'd say that he was pan – he joined a couple ace sites, and one dating site. He chose one that didn't have a membership fee, he wasn't made of money, and one that seemed constantly active and with a good bunch of people on it. He joined Ace-book. The name made him laugh, too, and that's really what did it for him.

 

So, Steve made a profile listing all his favorite geeky things and shows, and a little bit about his less-than-interesting job at an art supply shop, and wrote that basically he was looking for other ace people to connect with, and would like to date another ace person if the opportunity came up. He chose a profile picture of his face in profile, because Peggy said he had a stunning jawline, but he wasn't really popular. No matter his boyish dreams of suddenly coming across his soulmate now that he was finally getting a handle on this whole sexuality thing, he only had two people message him within the first week. It was sorta like pulling teeth to have any sort of semblance of conversation with the one, and the other quickly went from 'okay' to 'creepy', when after less than a handful of messages they wanted to meet up. Maybe it was really cowardly, but he up and stopped going on the site after that.

 

He figured he wasn't really prepared for online dating. He had no idea how to go about it, and he'd only really sorta-kinda dated two people in his entire life, so he didn't really have a lot of experience to go on in that area. He brought it up casually to some of his fandom buddies, asking for advice on online dating and having a pity-party for himself over the two people that he'd spoken to on the site. They didn't know he was ace. And, he was being cowardly again, he knew, he maybe was afraid of them thinking of him differently if they knew. They knew he was pan, and they were okay with that, but he didn't feel completely comfortable coming out as ace to anyone other than Peggy. Peggy knew him for _years_ , and this asexuality thing was just still so, so new. He thought that maybe he'd feel differently talking to others in the asexual community, but then he stopped going on the sites, and he felt terrible about everything.

 

He just didn't know what to _do_.

 

True to how he's so far gone about everything regarding his sexuality, he stopped thinking about it, put it on the back burner, and started applying to grad schools to occupy himself.

 

That lasted a whole couple of months before he, after talking about it extensively with Peggy, decided to give Ace-book another shot. And it was different this time. He wrapped around his long disused confidence like a cloak, and braved the forums. And instead of waiting for people to message _him_ , he initiated communication with other aces himself, and it felt like a small victory. There were bad conversations, painfully awkward conversations, conversations that frankly confused him, but there were good ones too.

 

He even took an asexuality-spectrum quiz, and discovered that there was a name for his _very_ private personal itty-bitty sex life. He's autosexual too, and that's even more okay. He now had a label for _everything_ , and he was giddy with it.

 

A couple months in, and he had a steady stream of half-a-dozen aces he was talking with on the regular and he was active in the forums far more than he ever was. He felt _good_ too, even though his romantic's heart was bleeding a little on the inside. He wasn't _dating_ anyone still, and he had friends that understood where he was coming from now, but he still felt he was missing something. He wanted a relationship, that was what he was looking for, but it just looked like that wasn't in the cards for him.

 

It took him awhile to stop feeling disappointed at that, but Peggy reassured him that he'd find someone, someday, and he believed her, if nothing else.

 

Peggy's usually right.

 

* * *

 

He's decked out in red, gold, and blue spandex nearly from head-to-foot, but no one bats an eye at him. Some take pictures, and he posed with a couple kids for them, but he's at Wizard World NYC with Peggy and Sam, and it is perfectly normal. He's cosplaying Superman, Peggy makes a stunning Wonder Woman, and Sam's having a grand old time as Batman. He keeps lowering his voice into husky registers and raising his cape like Dracula while dogging between stacks of comic books at vendor's stalls. Steve took a video of it, and he's not even going to pretend that he's not gonna post it to facebook later.

 

He actually can't wait to, and so he digs out his phone from the satchel he has thrown over a shoulder – his spandex suit _does not_ have pockets – and starts uploading the minute-long video while walking in the general direction he saw Peggy and Sam run off in. He's staring at his phone, and because he has _no_ sense of self-awareness, he walks straight into someone hard enough that it knocks Steve completely off balance and he ends up sprawled in the middle of the crowded aisle in an ungainly heap.

 

The man whose back he'd knocked into turns around with wide stormy-colored eyes and stares down at Steve. The guy is obviously dressed as John Constantine – the ridiculously _handsome_ guy – and offers Steve a hand – his only hand – to help Steve up after he scrambles to rescue his phone from passing feet. Steve clutches his phone to his chest while staring up at the guy with his face slowly heating up like a stove burner, and stutters a soft and earnest, “t-thanks”.

 

The man smiles a crooked but kind smile, and Steve feels faint.

 

The man turns a bit to pick up his bag from where he'd dropped it, and through the clear plastic Steve can see one of his framed drawings in it. This guy _actually_ bought one of his drawings, and he looks up to see that they're in front of Darcy, Jane, and Thor's stall where they're selling their cosplay props and swords, and some of the drawings and paintings they'd offered to put up for sale for Steve.

 

Steve feels his face pull tight with the power of his smile, and he points towards the guy's bag while he says, “I'm glad someone liked one of them.”

 

The guy looks down at his bag briefly before looking back up at Steve, “What?”

 

“My drawings,” Steve waves his arm up towards the stall. “I drew that,” he flails his arm towards the guy's bag again and feels vaguely ridiculous. He reigns his arm in before extending it towards the guy and taking a step forward with the intention of introducing himself. “Steve Rogers.”

 

The guy's mouth opens in a little 'o' of surprise while recognition lights his round eyes. He carefully sets the bag down by his feet, and takes Steve's offered hand. “Bucky,” he says with a half-smile, and when the guy withdraws his hand, Steve can feel the slide of the guy's ring against his own. “You do some good art, man. I had a hard time making my mind up on what to buy.”

 

But Steve's not really paying attention to him, he's just looking at the plain black band around the guy's right middle finger and is wondering if it's an ace ring. Steve has one of his own. It's an artistic twist of black oxidized silver dotted with little rubies, his birthstone. Though Steve considers himself an artist, he has no talent for sculpting or anything of the like, and had commissioned the ring from Jane, the one who does the delicate work for the professional propmaking team he's come to befriend.

 

But this guy – this _Bucky_ – it has to be a coincidence, right? The fella only has the one arm, and maybe his middle finger was the only one that fit the ring? Maybe the ring has sentimental value to the guy, and it's not really an ace ring?

 

The moment seems to stretch, and Steve finally notices that the guy's stopped talking, and that he's still _staring_ at him, and when he meets his eyes his blush comes back in _force_. Bucky's smiling though, amusement crinkling his eyes, and Steve's just glad he hasn't offended him. Bucky raises his hand and taps at the black band around his finger with his thumb, and says, “Ace, right?” and gestures in the direction of Steve's right hand, “Yours too, huh?”

 

And Steve is just about to fall over with the swell of unnameable emotions rolling through him.

 

This is _unbelievable_.

 

And it turns out, later, that Peggy is _so right_.

 

**Author's Note:**

> The pansexual Dragon Age: Inquisition character I'd mentioned is The Iron Bull: http://dragonage.wikia.com/wiki/Iron_Bull
> 
> The 'Holy Grail of comics' I'd mentioned is here: http://everydayfeminism.com/2014/10/5-myths-and-misconceptions-about-asexuality/
> 
> The panromantic Q&A I'd mentioned is here: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/86982-can-i-be-asexual-and-pansexual/
> 
> Ace-book is a real asexual dating site: http://www.ace-book.net/
> 
> The asexual-spectrum quiz is here: http://www.okcupid.com/tests/what-kind-of-asexual-are-you
> 
> Wizard World conventions are real things too (and they're awesome!): http://www.wizardworld.com/
> 
> Ace rings are real too: http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Black_ring
> 
>  
> 
> I wrote this thing as a 'coming out' story for myself. I'm really panromantic auto-ace, and I wanted to share my self-discovery story, and also use my favorite fandom avenue as a way to share this story with people. So, yeah, I'm totally linking my friends to this story. I've been cowardly, and not very honest, and I wanted to change that. So I thought – I should write it in fanfic. Everything up until the line-break is my story – after it's Steve and Bucky's, because those two are my OTP and I love them to bits and I like fluff. :) But Steve's self-discovery story here is mine, though I did change a couple facts around to better fit Steve's character. I didn't go to art school, for example. Peggy's character here is a mix of three separate people who helped me figure myself out. It took a long time, like, I'm not even kidding people. But I know who I am now, and there's a sense of freedom in that. I wanted to write this to be honest, but to also provide references for anyone who may be in a similar boat to the one I found myself in. If anyone has any questions, or wants to talk to me personally about any of this, please feel free to message me and I'll try my best to lend a ear and be helpful. Those sites above are really the sites I've visited, and so maybe they'll help someone else too. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! And everyone – love who you are!


End file.
